the twilight zone

Thursday, October 20, 2005

PLEASE GOD SOMEONE HELP ME! LOL

ok now i have heard of the terrible 2's but jesse is going way to far. i can honestly say he is like 10 to 20 kids going through the terrible 2's at once adn putting them all togeather, that is jesse. he is biteing, hitting, headbutting, ripping up the walls, trying to pull the carpet up with his teeth, banging his head on the wall or anything else he can get to like my washer and dryer. eli who is 50 lbs compared to jesse's 28 lbs is scared to death of him and dont spend much time playing with him anymore. eli will be sitting in his room watching tv being real good and for no reason jess will come up and hit him or bite him or pull his hair, he even put a welt on his back the other day. he will even geat the crap out of me when i go to sit down to play with him. man and i thought eli was bad to vic at that age but now i wish for those days again lol anyone got any advice i could sure use some.

Monday, October 17, 2005

more funny stuff lol

20 Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters!

Give away something other than candy.
(Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)



Wait behind the door until some people come.
When they get near the door, jump out,
wearing a costume, and holding a bag,
and yell, "Trick or Treat!"
Look at them, scratch your head,
and act confused.



Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers.
Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters.
When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously,
say, "It's about time you got here,"
give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.



Get about 30 people to wait in your living room.
When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in."
When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!"
Act like it's a surprise party.


Get everyone who comes to the door
to come in and see if they can figure out
what's wrong with your dishwasher.
Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.



After you give them candy,
hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.


Open the door dressed as a giant fish.
Immediately collapse, and don't move or say
anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.



When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar,
throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"

When you answer the door, look at the
trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared,
and start screaming your head off. Slam the door
and run around the house, screaming until they go away.



Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups
before you give them any candy.


Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and
let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone
wants to see the wine list.


( my fav lol )
Get a catapult.
Sit on your porch and catapult
pumpkins at anyone who comes
within 50 yards of your house.


When people come to the door,
jump out a nearby window,
crashing through the glass, and run
as far away from your house as you can.


Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim.
Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment,
pretend to be confused, and
start flipping through a calendar.


Instead of candy, give away colored eggs.
If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are
the only thing you had left over from Easter.


Answer the door dressed as a dentist.
Angrily give the trick-or-treaters
a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.


Answer the door with a mouthful of M&M's
and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands.
Act surprised, and close the door.
Open it again in a few seconds,
and insist that you don't have any candy.


Hand out cigarettes and bottles of asprin.
Then again...don't!


Put a crown on a pumpkin and put
the pumpkin on a throne on your porch.
Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters
bow before the pumpkin.


Dress up like a bunny rabbit.
Yell and curse from the moment
you open the door, and angrily throw
the candy at the trick-or-treaters.
Slam the door when you're finished.



















Sunday, October 16, 2005

i saw this and thought it was sooo funny

Male to Female to Male one liners or two

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.


Did you know???

The Statue Of Liberty's mouth is three feet wide.

. . . I guess that is why there is no husband.


Wednesday, October 12, 2005

cuteness of the day


i got this in an email thought u all would enjoy it as much as i did lol


GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)


To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"


"Don't what?" Adam replied.


"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.



"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"


"No Way!"

"Yes way!"


"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.


"Why"


"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was angry! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.


"Uh huh," Adam replied.


"Then why did you?" said the Father.



"I don't know," said Eve.



"She started it!" Adam said



"Did not!"



"Did too!"



"DID NOT!"


Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.



BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?


THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.


2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.


3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.


4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.


5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.


6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.


ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.


AND FINALLY:


IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:


"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!














Tuesday, October 04, 2005

bad day got better

well my day started out crappy. i had a hose bust behind my washer spraying out scalding hot water everywhere. my house was filled with steam on this very hot day. my friend deanna got blisters on her hand trying to turn off the water back there. then i lost power for an hour when i was trying to make supper. come to find out my landlord checked and told me that some one has been messing with my hot water heater(which can only be got to from the out side of the trailer) and my main power box out side. damn i am telling u that is creepy since i have been hearing things hit my house all night :( but its ok cause eli came home from school and was so happy and all the kids were telling him bye so he is doing good and making friends. lol he tried showing me how to do the where is thumbkin song but instead of just wiggleing his thumb he used all fingers.lol it was so cute ha ha ha ha well i am getting tired so i am going to bed. night all

Sunday, October 02, 2005

sorry its been awhile

sorry i havent blogged in a while i have been busy. lol well i found out billy will be overseas till late nov/early dec, but he is going to be in kuwait instead of iraq, which i dont like cause it is more dangerous there then where he is now. what can u do tho they randamly choose ppl so say longer and his name was picked. we had victorias birthday today. there wasnt very many ppl there but the ones that matter were there and thats all that counts. she had fun, it was a great party so all went well. i better go elishia and jesse are getting into a tug-o-war with a toy car. lol
"text/css">